I wasted so much time on plastic toys, clothing my kids would never wear, all of this man-made crap- it still turns my stomach to think about it. This was time that I should've been spending playing with my kids, or resting, or cooking, or exercising, you name it. Anything but what I was doing. WHY DID I HAVE SUCH A HARD TIME HOLDING MY BOUNDARIES? I had so much to understand and so much to learn and nobody was going to teach me, I would have to first decide that I was worth defending and learn all of this on my own (just like most everything else in life that is worth knowing. You cannot rely on anyone else for your happiness, you can't rely on anyone else to make you wise, and you cannot rely on anyone else to put you first. That is your job.)
If you want to remain small, sad, broken, and beholden to the opinions of others, that is your choice. But you CANNOT expect to be happy more than fleetingly, because you are living to please others. The world does not need another martyr. How can YOUR HAPPINESS be based on whether or not you are making others happy? Why do you want to live to temporarily fulfill a narcissist, or entire groups of them- these people who will NEVER be happy, no matter what? Why do you want to choose a life of catering to those who have not done the hard work on themselves- which will only further hold you back from EVER getting to a place of openness and space which will allow you to grow into your own radical, full potential?
It is a beautiful thing to be able to transcend. Just because we are "in" this world, does not mean that we need to be "of" this world. What new traditions have you created for yourself and for your family based on following your own heart, rather than the more self-serving needs and desires of those around you? It takes a very confident person to do things differently. It takes someone who values themselves enough to understand that what is right for others, may not necessarily be right for them or for their family.
“Many cases of childhood schizophrenia can be traced to celiac disease that involves intolerance to gluten grains. This disorder can also occur and young adults most commonly in the third decade of life. This condition is associated with incomplete breakdown... Continue Reading →
So for those of us who are sort of left to navigate multiple levels of physical, sexual and emotional abuse on our own...where does this leave us? This is the kind of thing faced by a person who has grown up largely unprotected, not listened to, and gaslighted. It can leave us raw, broken, and aimless, grasping and defeated...with tremendous physical illnesses that manifest as a result of all we have been submitted to...
You don't get to hide behind your religion and judge others for what your perceive their walk with God to be. That is between them and God. Hate has nothing to do with God. You think that you are hiding within your holier-than-thou attitude, but you really just look cruel and close-minded. And you aren't fooling anybody but yourself. There is no room in this world for bigotry, misogyny, judging of folks for their sexuality, or hate of any kind. When you judge others, you don't just hate- you ARE hate.
But sometimes, in my human-ness, and in the fog of getting caught up in that which is less important, I forget about what exactly God is capable of. I was reminded a few weeks ago that the bigger and more earnest and confident the prayer, the more likely God is to hear it and to answer it. I have found this to be true time and time again.
"See that cookie over there? Many people are going to try to justify all of the reasons why it is OK for them to have that cookie. You want that cookie. You deserve that cookie. You cannot live without that cookie. Nobody better try to tell me I cannot have that cookie. Actually, I'm going to eat that entire bag of cookies, because I'm a grown adult, and nobody can tell me what to do. Humph."