So for those of us who are sort of left to navigate multiple levels of physical, sexual and emotional abuse on our own...where does this leave us? This is the kind of thing faced by a person who has grown up largely unprotected, not listened to, and gaslighted. It can leave us raw, broken, and aimless, grasping and defeated...with tremendous physical illnesses that manifest as a result of all we have been submitted to...
Do you believe that you are just as important as anyone else? When you refuse to express what you need and want to those around you- those who love you- you are training them to walk on eggshells.
But sometimes, in my human-ness, and in the fog of getting caught up in that which is less important, I forget about what exactly God is capable of. I was reminded a few weeks ago that the bigger and more earnest and confident the prayer, the more likely God is to hear it and to answer it. I have found this to be true time and time again.
As owners of human bodies, we don't really get to decide to not care about our health. The consequences of this decision are a lifetime of constant struggle, descent into multiple diseases, a broken gut (and therefore broken brain) depression, and potentially, so many prescriptions that your head will spin.
"See that cookie over there? Many people are going to try to justify all of the reasons why it is OK for them to have that cookie. You want that cookie. You deserve that cookie. You cannot live without that cookie. Nobody better try to tell me I cannot have that cookie. Actually, I'm going to eat that entire bag of cookies, because I'm a grown adult, and nobody can tell me what to do. Humph."
HONESTLY, I hope your family understands healthy separation and the meaning of LOVE. Because it is a whole ton easier when this is not a hurdle that needs to be climbed, jumped, burned, argued over repeatedly, revisited constantly, and then, hopefully, eventually, sunk with an anchor in the farthest depths of the darkest oceans.