Until we can truly pay attention to healing ourselves, the division, shame and resultant guilt will grow. Our children will grow even further away form what it means to be human, have a horrible time making decisions, choosing careers or finding a mate. Fear and guilt paralyze. You can't cover it up or hide it away behind religion, alcohol or porn, or whatever your chosen methods of self- destruction. Until you deal with your own shame and hurts, you will pass them along to your children, tenfold.
A narcissist tends to view the holidays as very event-based, and the minute that the gathering or party is over, they unfortuntely go back to being miserable. They believe very strongly in always doing every holiday gathering the same way, even when it's draining and tedious for everybody (including themselves), and they are very much thrown for a loop when somebody suggests doing something differently, or, heaven forbid, a part of the family decides that they are going to do something altogether different for the holidays. The will punish you through a narcissistic fit involving tears, silence, or anger and yelling. (Remember, most narcissists resist growing or changing and don't believe that they have a need to do so, so why would they want to let anything else in their lives evolve- remember, the narcissist views you an extension of themselves, existing for their needs-not a separate person...)
So for those of us who are sort of left to navigate multiple levels of physical, sexual and emotional abuse on our own...where does this leave us? This is the kind of thing faced by a person who has grown up largely unprotected, not listened to, and gaslighted. It can leave us raw, broken, and aimless, grasping and defeated...with tremendous physical illnesses that manifest as a result of all we have been submitted to...
Do you believe that you are just as important as anyone else? When you refuse to express what you need and want to those around you- those who love you- you are training them to walk on eggshells.
You don't get to hide behind your religion and judge others for what your perceive their walk with God to be. That is between them and God. Hate has nothing to do with God. You think that you are hiding within your holier-than-thou attitude, but you really just look cruel and close-minded. And you aren't fooling anybody but yourself. There is no room in this world for bigotry, misogyny, judging of folks for their sexuality, or hate of any kind. When you judge others, you don't just hate- you ARE hate.
As owners of human bodies, we don't really get to decide to not care about our health. The consequences of this decision are a lifetime of constant struggle, descent into multiple diseases, a broken gut (and therefore broken brain) depression, and potentially, so many prescriptions that your head will spin.
Why does this world think that it has any right to tell us who we are, what we should look like, what we can and cannot do, and who we are going to become?
HONESTLY, I hope your family understands healthy separation and the meaning of LOVE. Because it is a whole ton easier when this is not a hurdle that needs to be climbed, jumped, burned, argued over repeatedly, revisited constantly, and then, hopefully, eventually, sunk with an anchor in the farthest depths of the darkest oceans.